Here Comes the Very Stressed Bride

I have not been to many weddings in my time but I can see some traits emerging that I suppose I should familiarise myself with.

 

I went to my first Christian wedding last year. I was born into a Moslem family so I was used to the Islamic way of doing things. The wedding ceremony was a revelation in itself. At first, I felt very much as an outsider as I did not know what to expect but I soon caught on. For example, I knew there was no point in getting comfortable on the pew as we would be expected to stand. There seemed to be a lot of congregational sitting and standing. I think I also understood the attraction the bridal gown holds for millions of women around the world. It fulfils every woman’s childhood dream of being a princess for a day. The “oohs” and the “aahs” of the congregation as the bride walks down the aisle. It makes the whole thing seem like a fairytale.

 

I looked at the bride’s glowing face as she walked down the aisle and glanced at the bridegroom. There was a look of sheer awe on his face. As they exchanged rings, I felt a part of this holy union. I looked at my life and was forced to confront my fears about matrimony. It was a commitment I was not sure I could give to someone wholeheartedly. I rather liked my single life the way it was. I had no commitments and life was pretty much how I wanted it and in any case, I was enjoying myself far too much. Not everyone I know sees it that way. I have friends who yearn to get married. It is something they have always desired and I believe the Lord will grant them their hearts’ desires. Indeed, He has already started working in our midst. I just did not have such desires. If the truth be known, I revelled in my independence as a single woman. However, on that fateful day, while listening to the exchange of vows, something changed. I caught a sense of the original plan God had for marriage.

 

As I watched the bride and groom after the ceremony, I was struck by how impervious they were to their surroundings. The only thing that mattered was ‘them.’ I thought to myself, “That’s it. They are well and truly married now. One unit as they say”. It was like they had moved up to another level of understanding that I could not possibly imagine unless l myself had been there. I knew then that I had come to witness a holy covenant between two people and the God they serve. The wedding guests were witnesses to that covenant. They were also there to rejoice and celebrate but the occasion was for two people and the God they serve. That is why weddings are intrinsically private.

 

Trust me on this one. I know. Before their wedding day, brides suddenly take on the traits of severely unbalanced hormonal beings. You just cannot seem to please them. They are either too sensitive or too non-committal. I have yet to meet brides who strike a balance between the two. Between hearing messages from God and discerning which spirits are trying to sabotage their wedding plans, supporters walk a very fine anointed line.

 

Don’t pretend like you do not know what I am talking about. You know the smile, the one that says, “I’m getting married. I’m a big woman now so you singles had better start respecting me.” When this happens, I summon up every ounce of Holy Ghost power He bestows upon me for such a time as this and smile sweetly. In my mind’s eye, I envision myself clobbering the bride-to-be with a not-so-anointed sack of confetti and my smile becomes sweeter. Not very Christian but it makes me feel a lot better.

 

Singles and married couples alike suddenly develop gargantuan domestic skills. In particular, singles. All of a sudden, you are called upon to solve every imaginable crisis from decorating the church hall (what do you know about decorating?) to telling the bride, “Of course you haven’t put on weight. Who does the dressmaker think he is? Expanding the waist and thighs?! Now shush. X loves you for who you are.” Just remember appearances are important to men, even X. No good in starting married life on the wrong (overweight) foot, you add silently. And of course, you don’t really mind volunteering to clear the reception area after the guests leave. You are after all a saint.

 

It is almost guaranteed that the bride would have had very little sleep the night before the wedding. Her thoughts would range from one extreme, “Oh my God, what am I doing?” to another, “God, I know you will give me a special award for being the best wife ever this side of glory” (all hail the Pentecostal bride). Between such extremes and finally getting the ring on the finger, her thoughts are on the night and the days ahead. Sorry, but you volunteered to clear the hall. You don’t seriously think you’ll get a special pat on the back for doing that or did you?

 

The prayers have been said, the bride and bridegroom have sailed into the rainy (London) sunset, the married couples are reminiscing, the pastor is fervently praying that the Holy Spirit would sustain the couple in the trying times ahead and there you are: God’s anointed single. Briefly you wonder if what they say about meeting future spouses at weddings is true. You shake your head and bend over to pick up your handbag. You know for a fact that it is not true. As you reach over to pick up the handbag, you hear someone say, “It seems we have been given clearing duty tonight.” You look up and hear the Holy Spirit whisper, “That’s him. The one for you.”